Author: Axialent Global

Last time we talked about the magic of leading tough meetings, right? This time, let’s get our hands dirty with what really sets the stage for those breakthrough moments . If the first article was our map to the territory, consider this your compass—guiding you through the nuanced art of connection before diving into the context and content that define the journey of any high-stakes meeting.

In the realm of facilitating meetings that matter—the kind that shape futures and forge new paths—there lies a golden rule: Connection before Context, and Context before Content. It’s a principle that, in my 26 years of coaching, has proven to be the linchpin of success in meetings where stakes are as high as the mountains to climb.

The Golden Rule Unveiled

At the heart of every transformative meeting is the initial, often understated act of connection. Before I delve into the meat of the matter, we engage in a ritual: the Check-in. This is where each participant, in a moment less than a minute, shares a slice of their current state, their expectations, and their intentions for the gathering. It’s a seemingly minor act, yet it lays the groundwork for a shared understanding and a unified front. In meetings poised to reshape mindsets or redefine strategies, I take this a step further. I prompt participants to reflect on a personal level: “For me, this meeting will be a success if…?” The responses, as varied as they are insightful, allow us to not only align our goals but also to tailor the journey that our meeting will take. And as we wrap up, these very insights become the benchmark by which we measure our success at the check-out, providing a bookend to our narrative.

Embracing Mindfulness for Focus

In my toolkit lies an often-overlooked instrument that I’ve come to regard as my secret to unlocking true presence: mindfulness exercises. Whether it’s through a brief session of cardiac coherence breathing or a guided meditation, the power of shared silence is profound. Participants emerge not only relaxed and at peace but also more present and engaged. It’s in this unified state of focus that the true work can begin—where each voice finds its place, and the collective wisdom of the room is harnessed.

Crafting Ground Rules: Ownership and Accountability

Moving beyond the connection, we establish ground rules that go beyond the mere mechanics of meeting etiquette. These are the principles that anchor us to the Conscious Business mindsets—a shared agreement on how we will navigate the waters ahead. I introduce tools such as the Bulldog Meter, allowing each person to state their preference for the level of challenge they’re willing to embrace, fostering an environment where constructive confrontations and genuine dialogues are not just expected but encouraged.

Debating with Intention

As debates unfold, I encourage participants to:

  1. Clarify: Define key terms to ensure a shared language and understanding.
  2. Diverge: Embrace a variety of perspectives before converging on a decision.
  3. Commit: Ensure every decision made is one that all can support, having given everyone the floor to voice their views and concerns.

Conclusion

The dance of a difficult meeting is intricate, where each step counts, and the rhythm is set by the collective pulse of those present. As we lay down the ground rules and establish our connection, we create a space ripe for transformation. But the journey doesn’t end here. In our next piece, we’ll dive into the pulsing heart of these meetings—the dynamics that bring our carefully laid plans to life, where the alchemy of facilitation conjures outcomes that often surpass our wildest expectations.

Stay tuned as we continue to explore the nuances of facilitating meetings that are not just necessary but truly essential. The path is laid out; the compass is in your hands. Are you ready to lead the way?

Meetings are the vessel where ideas are forged, plans take shape, and futures get decided. However, not all meetings are smooth sailing, especially when a diverse set of opinions, personalities, and competing interests are at play. Difficult conversations, whether addressing performance issues, negotiating contracts, or managing team conflicts, are an inevitable part of the business landscape. How these meetings are moderated can be the difference between success and stagnation.

The stakes of certain meetings are elevated due to the significant topics they cover, the crucial decisions pending, and the seniority of the attendees. With over 26 years as a strategy consultant for senior leadership teams, I can attest that facilitating these high-stakes meetings is both the most intriguing and demanding aspect of my role.

So, What Makes a Meeting Difficult or Transformational?

In my experience, the way I describe it’s basically those gatherings where decisions and actions concerning complex issues – be they problems or opportunities – need resolution. Situations where conflicting opinions, varied interests, and occasionally hidden agendas come to the fore.

Another breed of challenging meetings are those with the goal of transforming mindsets, reshaping behaviors, and redefining ways of working and leading collaboratively within a team. The way I see it is that more often than not, this transformative journey commences with a singular, challenging meeting.

The Essence of a Successful Difficult Meeting

I’ve witnessed many successful meetings and for me what stands out, is that there’s a collective commitment to the decisions made and actions charted. It’s where opinions are openly confronted, conflicts of interest tackled head-on, and the “elephants in the room” addressed. Additionally, it’s where participants truly agree and begin to think, act, and engage in a renewed, intentional manner.

Unpacking the “Magic” of Facilitation Success

As someone who’s often at the helm of challenging meetings, particularly with Global ExComs or within non-collaborative matrix organizations, the “alchemy” of steering such meetings to success always astonishes me.

There are myriad ingredients at play here, each vital in its own right. The foundational principle hinges on curating an environment of trust and safety. An atmosphere where each participant:

  • Can voice their truths
  • Feels and ensures understanding from others
  • Is willing to build from confrontations and conflicts
  • Fully commits to final decisions, even if they were initially opposed
  • Sincerely wants and pledges to evolve their mindsets, behaviors, and capabilities as conscious leaders.

For those of you who’ve had a brush with our Conscious Business & Leadership model, some of this might ring a bell. In our meetings, we’re all about diving into these mindsets and behaviors. It’s like shifting from being a ‘Player’ rather than a ‘Victim’ or embracing the ‘Learner’ in us rather than the ‘Knower’. It’s about making requests and commitments that are spot-on impeccable. And hey, mastering our emotions and conflicts? That’s the name of the game. Not to mention, championing genuine communication and collaboration. It’s all part and parcel of how we roll in these sessions.

The challenge lies in fostering this environment and nurturing these growth mindsets during transformative meetings.

Even with high-functioning, cohesive, and aligned teams, managing challenging meetings is no easy feat. Is there an element of magic involved? Perhaps.

We’ve only just scratched the surface of this multifaceted topic. So, if your curiosity’s been piqued, I promise there’s plenty more to delve into. In my next piece, I’m going to unravel the intricacies of these meetings, specifically focusing on the art of understanding, aligning, and wholeheartedly committing to rules. And trust me, when we talk about rules, it’s not just black and white—there are shades and dimensions you might not have considered. So, get ready for a deeper dive and keep me on your radar. See you soon!

Are you caught in the constant routine of a hectic work life, drowning in a sea of endless tasks? Are you back from vacation only to find yourself plunging back into complaints about overwhelming projects, unmet objectives, and unsparing stress impacting your mental and physical well-being? Does the thought of switching jobs frequently cross your mind?

If these situations seem all too familiar, you’re not alone. As a seasoned coach and consultant, I’ve encountered this scenario repeatedly.

However, what if I told you there’s a remedy within your reach? It starts with ditching the complaints and adopting a player’s mindset over a victim’s—embracing the philosophy of Essentialism.

Essentialism is more than just a productivity tool—it’s a philosophy for life. It’s about cutting the clutter and focusing on what truly matters, allowing you to lead a more fulfilled and balanced life both personally and professionally.

As Greg McKeown has written in his book titled “Essentialism” it’s not about doing more things in less time but doing only the right things right. It’s the constant pursuit of less but better, which involves discerning what’s essential and really eliminating what isn’t.

In embracing essentialism, the power of choice is our foremost ally. It’s crucial to recognize our ability to choose, to realize that not everything is an obligation or a “No-Choice”. Essentialism is not about getting more things done; it’s about getting the right things done and well done. It allows us to discern, to choose wisely where to invest our time and energy, and empowers us to focus on what truly matters.

In a world cluttered with tasks of little importance, discerning the trivial from the vital becomes a critical skill. Most of what consumes our time and energy doesn’t contribute significantly to our lives or the lives of others. By learning to distinguish the meaningful from the meaningless, we can allocate our resources to endeavors that genuinely impact and enrich our lives.

A simple word, “No”, becomes a powerful tool in our pursuit of essentialism. Saying no isn’t a rejection but a necessary decision to prioritize what is crucial over what is not. This seemingly simple act creates the space, the breathing room, for us to focus on what holds real value and meaning. But mastering the art of saying “No” goes deeper. It starts with self-awareness: understanding your priorities, limits, and values.

Saying “no” effectively is about clarity, understanding, and empathy. For instance, when a colleague requests you to take on an extra project, it’s not about bluntly refusing but finding a nuanced approach. You might say, “I understand this project’s importance, but with my current workload, I wouldn’t be able to give it the attention it deserves. Is there another way I can assist or a different timeline that might work?”
Another scenario could be a friend asking you to join them for a weekend trip when you have prior commitments or simply need some personal downtime. A thoughtful response could be, “I’d love to spend time with you, but this weekend I have some commitments I can’t push. Can we find another date that works for both of us?”

In these conversations, you differentiate between the task and the individual making the request. You’re showing respect for their needs while also asserting your own boundaries. And, if for some reason you can’t fulfill a commitment, take responsibility. Address it, apologize, and find ways to make amends.

The implementation of consistent routines can also facilitate a life oriented towards the essential. It enables the essential to seamlessly integrate into our daily lives, alleviating the mental load of constant decision-making. Through clear and focused intention, through prioritizing and simplifying, we, along with our organizations, can live with a more defined sense of purpose, with clarity in our lives.

But, how do we embark on this journey of reflection and discernment? Firstly, a clear understanding of our mission or purpose at work, our Clarity of Purpose, is essential. A set of questions guide this exploration: What really inspires me? What gives me energy? What unique contribution do I aspire to make? These inquiries act as the compass directing our journey towards essentialism.

Time management plays a pivotal role in steering this journey. Start by assessing your recent months’ agenda: the tasks you took, with whom, and how you invested your time.

Categorize each as either one of your top 2 essential priorities or not. Now, reflect: Are you satisfied with how you’ve invested your time? Is there a disparity between where you want to invest your time and where you actually are? When new opportunities knock, don’t just ask if they bear some benefit, but if they present a GREAT opportunity and if they truly align with your mission.

Adopting a lifestyle of essentialism also involves practicing the act of selecting, consciously choosing among the myriad of options life presents. This practice aids us in avoiding ‘autopilot’ mode and maintaining our focus on our priorities.

Asking the essential question, “What is the most important thing I need to do right now?” regularly, helps maintain this focus, and regular reviews of our activities and commitments allow us to assess if we are genuinely progressing towards our goals or entangled in the web of the non-essential.

Learning to decline tasks or commitments that do not align with our focus, while maintaining respect and understanding, is also crucial. Instead of measuring success by the volume of tasks completed, our focus should shift to the value these tasks bring, highlighting the importance of effectiveness and efficiency over sheer productivity.

This shift in mindset and practice, this pursuit of the essential over the numerous, can lead to greater clarity, reduced stress, improved performance, higher professional satisfaction, and a balanced life.

Are you ready to step into a life of purpose and clarity? To pursue what’s truly meaningful, to say no to the ‘good’ so you can say yes to the ‘great’? It’s about achieving better by doing less but doing it right. The journey may not be easy, but the rewards—optimizing results, minimizing stress, achieving balance—are well worth it.

I challenge you, could you soon be in a position where you can confidently tell your boss, “I’m focusing on the essential, doing much less but better, optimizing my results, minimizing my stress, and achieving a balance between work and personal life?” The time to act is now. Start by reflecting and responding clearly to all the above questions. Choose wisely, choose essentialism, choose a life with fewer, but the right things. The challenge awaits you.

Success. Often a desired state that obsesses us. We constantly strive to achieve what we want, be recognized for the impact we can create, being relevant on our area of expertise (or avoiding becoming irrelevant). In the pursuit of success, we often fixate on distant goals that seem far out of reach and tend to lose sight of a crucial element on the success formula: the HOW.  How we reach our goals is what distinguishes us:  leading ourselves with integrity and staying aligned with our values throughout the process.

 

What does success truly look like? what does it mean to be successful in the context of our organization, our teams, and our personal lives?

 

At Axialent, we believe it’s important to redefine success beyond mere victory and acknowledge the significance of the journey we undertake to attain our goals.

 

As leaders we face a critical choice: how will we lead? What type of leader do we choose to become, and what behaviors are we willing to tolerate in our pursuit of results? It’s tempting to believe that the end justifies the means, that we can hide our actions beneath the veil of favorable outcomes. However, our actions ultimately define us, shaping our character and reputation and when aligned with our core values it brings us peace of mind and ultimate happiness, despite of the outcome.

 

Don’t take me wrong, at Axialent we highly support the importance of delivering to each other’s commitments and being accountable for results, we strive for it.  However, we know, based on our experience of more than 20 years working with organizations and leaders across the world, that the best way to achieve  desired outcome is to focus on the process: So, what does that entail?

 

It means, being the type of leader capable of creating a safe space and the right conditions for people to shine and unleash their true potential.  Being centered and acting and responding to challenges from that centeredness that grants a clear judgment grounded on leader’s core values.

 

Our core values serve as a spiritual harness that guides our actions. They are not abstract concepts but concrete and observable behaviors of what is important for us. Our values shape the way we lead and the choices we make. Success beyond success entails standing strong to these values, conducting ourselves in a manner that brings us pride. By embracing our values as the foundation of our leadership, we create a positive impact and inspire those around us.

 

These are some concrete recommendations to uncover our core values:

Pause and reflect: Take the time to pause and reflect on your experiences, both professional and personal, and identify the moments that have truly mattered to you. What values were present in those moments? What principles guided your actions?

Seek feedback: Reach out to trusted colleagues, mentors, and team members and ask for their honest feedback. Inquire about the qualities they admire in your leadership and the values they perceive in your actions. Their insights can provide valuable perspective and help you gain clarity on the values that others associate with your leadership.

Define your deal-brakers: Consider the values that are non-negotiable for you as a leader. These are the principles that you are unwilling to compromise on, regardless of the situation or external pressures.

Align values with actions: Reflect on how well your current actions align with your identified values. Are there any inconsistencies or areas where you can improve? Be honest with yourself and commit to making adjustments to ensure that your behaviors and decisions are in alignment with your core values.

Experiment and iterate: Leadership is an evolving journey. Embrace the mindset of continuous improvement and be open to experimenting with new ways of leading that align with your values.

Embracing our values and leading with integrity will not only guide us towards unconditional success but also inspire those around us to do the same.

 

Success beyond success demands that we let go of our obsession with outcomes and instead focus on the process. How we achieve our results matters most. Yet, we cannot control the outcome. This shift in perspective allows us to detach ourselves from the uncontrollable and concentrate on what we can influence: our own behavior, decisions, and integrity.

 

Our actions speak louder than words. They reflect who we are and what we value. When leaders prioritize performance above everything else, they contribute to perpetuate tyrannical leadership, where achieving objectives becomes more important than nurturing a positive and ethical work environment. In the other hand, when leaders understand the importance of unconditional success, they foster an atmosphere of trust, growth, and collaboration.

 

It’s time we challenge traditional notions of success and place emphasis on the ‘how’ of our achievements rather than just the ‘what’. Our values should be our guiding light, not mere ornaments. They shape our actions and mold our leadership persona. This isn’t about feel-good philosophy; it’s about enhancing our resilience, amplifying our influence, and paradoxically, accelerating our journey towards those business results.

 

Are you brave enough to redefine success and uncover the potency of truly unconditional success?

impeccable commitments

In the last article, we covered decision-making. Once a decision has been made, how do we effectively implement it? It is important to remember that deciding in itself doesn’t mean doing. From decision to action there is a long way. Implementation encompasses an understanding of who will do what by when, accountability, and then taking action. These should ideally be decided when the decision itself is made. Then, for implementation to happen, it is critical to learn how to establish better commitments and how to always honor them, and what to do when unexpected things get in the way. 

So, how can we create impeccable commitments? 

A commitment is a two-way contract that includes a request and a promise. It looks like this:

  • In order to accomplish A, B, C… 
  • I request you to do X by Z (date). 
  • Can you commit to that? 

This clarifies who will do what, by when, and why.

When it comes to committing, there are only two acceptable possible answers:

  • Yes, I commit.
  • No, I do not commit.

While there are three we can accept until one of the above emerges from the process:

  • I commit to respond (by a certain date).
  • I need clarification (on any of the elements).
  • I counter-offer (on condition of my acceptance).

But let’s also remember that things can be unpredictable, and oftentimes circumstances change. Still, we can always honor our commitments, even when delivering is at risk. So, how do we assess integrity in commitments?

impeccable commitments

Sincerity in commitments is only making promises you intend to keep. This means:

  • You believe you understand the commitment.
  • You believe you have the resources and skills to fulfill it.
  • You intend to apply your energy to the task (will).
  • You have done substantial planning to mitigate risks.

Honorability in commitments means honoring your promises, and unconditionally fulfilling them whenever possible. If the commitment is at risk:

  • Alert the creditor immediately.
  • Apologize and offer an explanation.
  • Inquire about potential damages and offer reparation.
  • Recommit.
  • Learn for the future.

Can you imagine living in an organization (and a world) where the above become true? How could our relationships improve? And our customer centricity? And our accountability? Just think of how life would be if we were told something is at risk as soon as it emerges and not after.

Guidelines for Impeccable Commitments

Following these guidelines in implementation helps to ensure that the productivity and effectiveness of meetings, conversations, and decisions made do not go to waste. Further, it adds to the quality of authentic relationships and conversations if we can abide by some standards. That way, even if circumstances change, things are not irreparable. A new way forward can be found, we can take care of our expected outcomes and the relationship can become even stronger because we know we care for each other.

Let me tell you a story, the story of a 7-year kid (maybe me, maybe you, maybe your son or daughter…) being inspired by his parents to be his own superhero:

– Who is your hero? – my father asked.  

– Spider-Man! – I said excitedly.

– Why my son? – my father asked.

– Dad, because he knows what is right, what is wrong. And he has superpowers! He can save and protect the good guys and our planet against the villains! 🤩 – I answered, even more excited.

– And how are you going to look and act like him? – my father asked.

– I don’t know… I’ll have to find a spider to bite me… 😂 –  I said, laughing out loud.

My father and I couldn’t stop laughing.

– I have an idea that can save us from the hospital… Shall I tell you? – My mom said, joining the conversation.

So my mom started to first tell me a story, followed later on by many other stories (with my dad) embedded in a game called #ConsciousKids. It changed my life!

– Tell me, my son, do you remember when you learned to ride a bike? How many times do you fall? Do you remember the knee injuries? And your cries of pain and frustration? – Said mom. 

– Well yes, mom! – I answered.

– With your dad, we saw you fall, cry, scream with rage and we saw you get up, try again and fall down and try again.- Said mom.

– Yes, with mom we looked at each other and I remember we said to ourselves: “He is beautiful, our little one hero!”. – Said dad. 

– Do you know why? Nope? Tell me: When did you feel proud and strong like a hero? – Ask mom. 

– Well when I managed for the first time to pedal alone without falling for many meters, I was so happy and I cried with joy to be the hero! –  I answered.

– There you were just happy to have succeeded. For us, you were a hero every time you got up crying after falling and hurting yourself. – My dad said. 

– That’s how and when you were a real hero for us: You showed us your strength, your courage, and your determination to overcome your weakness, and you didn’t give up despite your failures and your pain. – My mom said. 

– The important thing is not to fall it’s how you get up. – My dad said. 

– Oh yeah, I think I got it. – I said

– Good! So, what other opportunities can you find to be your own hero?  – Dad replied

– Okay, but that sounds difficult to me. I think it’s easier to go back to the search for the spider than to give me superpowers. 😂 – I said

– Don’t worry son. I have an idea! Would you like to play a game with mom and dad? – My mom said. 

– Yes, I love playing with you.  – I said

– Well, welcome to the Conscious Kids game. We’ll be back with more stories very soon! Are you ready? – My mom said. 

– Yes! – we all answered in unison and we laughed together and hugged each other. This game sounds like fun.

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decision-making

In the last article, we learned all about communication. Before we can get to the next two parts of this series, decision-making and implementation, remember that the quality of our conversations is key. Decision-making requires effective meetings with a clear purpose and effective communication among the people involved.

Making effective decisions is surprisingly, and unfortunately, not so common. Things generally could be much better. In order to chart a better path forward, it is useful to have a model that we can easily implement and rely on. In this decision-making model, I am presenting, there are really only 5 possibilities regarding who “owns” the decision: 

  • I decide: when information is mainly held within the person involved and a fast decision needs to be made
  • We discuss, I decide: This is one of the most used models. One person is responsible but wants to make a more informed decision, and other people have relevant knowledge or perspectives. Another reason to implement this is if you need high levels of engagement from people participating in the implementation coming after. For this, you might need a meeting. The more effective it is, the better information and engagement you will find.
  • We discuss, We decide: This is what we many times call “consensus”. We need to use this type when we are discussing topics related to the team itself: our values, operational agreements, and big strategic choices. But let’s be cautious, as people misunderstand what consensus means — it is not 100% alignment, but means we can live with the 80-20 rule. Yes, it is hard to have 100% alignment among 10 or 20 people or even more. Then, we need to go with the flow and what most people are aligned with. When we are not in full agreement we just need to ask if we can still go with the flow, and this should be true unless there is an ethical or legal issue with the decision that was made. If it’s just a matter of different perspectives, we need to learn to let go and respect what the majority is inclined to.
  • We discuss, You decide: this is complementary to “we discuss, I decide”. In this case, we acknowledge that we empower people while still bringing the knowledge and expertise from others.
  • You decide: when someone has the role and expertise to lead this, we should help them do so. It is a clear way to give accountability and decision-making power to someone.
decision-making

Decision-making

What must be done is pretty simple: define who makes the decision, and how, before making the decision. And then, everyone involved should commit to the outcome upfront. A big roadblock that often comes in the way is that we don’t clarify how we are making decisions. Before starting the actual discussion, clarify who is the decision maker, and what is the mechanism. Start the discussion with the decision-making model already clear.

Once the decision-making model is clear, the common issues highlighted at the start of the article are taken care of as well. People know who is making the decision, even if they disagree on the decision or way forward, they have bought into the process (barring ethical or legal concerns), and they are kept in the loop from the start so that they don’t have to fear outcomes after decisions have already been made. When we put together effective meetings, communication, and decision-making, we have added a lot of productivity and relationship effectiveness to our lives. Think about the positive effects this can have on the individuals, the team, and on business results.

great brand chick-fil-a

The short answer is no.  Great cultures are those that have a great story that employees want to be part of while great brands are those that have a great story that customers want to be part of.  

Many times, we may think that creating a brand is based on a great marketing strategy. Buying billboards, producing TV commercials, and using social media and content marketing are great tools to create brand awareness, however, remarkable brands are those that create the conditions under which customers want to talk about them and be associated with them. 

The Raving Fan Strategy  

David Salyers, one of the original precursors of the Chick-fil-A brand, promotes a strategy they developed known as the Raving Fan Strategy. In short, this strategy consists of three parts. 

  1. Operational excellence: Serve people and give them what they want, but do it with excellence. 
  1. Second Mile Service: Going the extra mile is not enough; excellence means going a second extra mile to ensure customers/clients/partners spread positive remarks about your brand in a positive way- word of mouth. 
  1. Emotional Connections Marketing: Emotional Connections Marketing is the concept of finding ways to invest marketing dollars and resources into what’s important to your customers and then make it important to you. For example, if you’ve got kids in a local school and I support that school, I’ve supported you – my customer. I’ve used the resources that I have to care about what customers care about. 

The only way that this can happen and be sustained over time is by intentionally building an organizational culture that lives by these values, and then letting your brand story be a consequence of that culture. 

great brands

It Starts with Leadership 

A good place to start is to get clarity on what we stand for as an organization and our desired ways of working in order to create remarkable customer experiences.  These start with our leadership teams and should shape the unwritten norms that tell people what is expected of them and what is celebrated or frowned upon. 

For example: Is it ok to make decisions to serve a good customer without checking every detail with your boss?  Should you follow the rules even if they don’t make sense or are you expected to speak up?   

There are key things that leaders can do to build a strong culture that in turn builds a strong brand.  Leaders need to understand what is important to their customers and then communicate that across the organization to make it important to everyone involved.  Then you have to focus on walking the talk by defining systems and showing behaviors that support these expectations. 

great branding

Culture is Caught more than Taught 

It’s crucial to understand that example teaches much more than just words. A lot of people think, “let’s set up a class and teach our employees about our culture”. But in reality, the strongest way to “teach” cultural values is to bring clarity around what they are, and then empower leaders to role model them consistently. 

Your employees and your customers will certainly notice whether you are living your brand from the inside out or not.  After all, every interaction that your customers have with your team has the potential to elevate or destroy their connection with your brand and, therefore, turn them into detractors or raving fans. 

effective conversations

In the first instance of this series, we broke down more effective meetings. This time, we will talk all about just that — talking! Many people muse about the difficulty of having effective challenging conversations.

This can be as simple as telling the truth with honesty and respect, and sharing ideas without fear of reprisal or being written off as unrealistic or too “soft”. In order to have productive conversations, where everyone is present in mind, body, and spirit, we need to get to a dynamic that changes everything.

The quality of our communication and conversations has an impact on the quality of our meetings, decisions, and implementation. How? Read along!

First of all, let me introduce you to the I-WE-It model.

We are always meeting because we want to achieve something (IT). And whatever we are doing, we need to do it together. Plus, this might not be the last time!

So, remember: every conversation is an opportunity to increase or decrease trust (we) and to feel better (or not) about ourselves in the process. The more you create a virtuous circle, the more effective you will be.

The first step, before even beginning to deliver the content or topic of conversation, is to create the connection and context (who, why, and where). We need to connect with people there so that everyone can more quickly listen to others and express their concerns and ideas.

That way, even if there is a disagreement, everyone can feel like they are in it together. At the “We” level, any conversation is an opportunity to increase trust and collaboration. That way, no matter what the outcome, people can feel connected, respected and empowered.

At the “I” level, it is checking into whether we feel valued and that we can grow and express who we are. This can even be applied to solo time — what is the quality of the conversations you have with yourself?

Sacrificing the “I” or “We” for the short-term “It” creates an unhealthy dynamic, and if there is no inbuilt trust then for the next conversation and negotiation we might need to have sooner than later. It is important also to remember that we cannot control the appearance of thoughts, emotions, and feelings — these just “happen”.

If we voice them literally, we can unintentionally escalate conflict, hurt relationships, and feel bad. If we don’t voice them or tell a “cosmetic” truth, we never address the real problem. The relationship is hollowed and we keep the toxins without ourselves. Often the task is negatively impacted as well — and worse, the “I” energy leaks out anyway. The only way through (and the most effective short and long-term) is to have an authentic conversation. So what does that entail?

Having Authentic Effective Conversations

First, understand that the only reason you have a toxic thought is because something that you care about feels at risk. Once you have acknowledged a toxic thought, you have 3 options:

  • Spill it out (just say it). This is the reactive level — our first reaction.
  • Swallow it (don’t say it). This is the superficial level — what we want others to think about us.
  • Distill it (transform the toxicity into a learning opportunity). This is the core truth — who we really are; our true BE-ing.
effective conversations

Underlying reactivity, there is something of value that is at stake. In order to distill your core truth, you need to ask yourself:

  • What really matters to me?
  • Why is this a concern to me?
  • What is at stake for me?
  • What do I really want?

The core truth is always honesty and respect. Try out these practices above, and watch how much more effective your communication becomes — through the quality of outcomes of conversations, and the quality of your relationships.

productivity habits

How many of us wish we had more productive, effective hours in a day?

From my conversations with leaders around the globe, I gather probably all. That said, there are some very simple things each of us as leaders do every day, that if done more effectively, could free up immense amounts of time and energy.

This series will dive deeper into four areas that we are actually practicing every single day of our lives, that if improved, could increase the quality of all things we do at work.

And through this, it can lessen workload, improve productivity, and empower others. Without further ado, these four things are:

  • meetings,
  • conversations,
  • decisions,
  • and implementation.

Did you realize that every day, we are in a meeting, and/or having a conversation with someone or ourselves, or making a decision (or judging one that was made by someone?) or implementing something (with less or more will and energy)?

productivity habits for better meetings

Let’s start with the one we most feel trapped in at almost 8hs a day: meetings. Through implementing the practices we discuss, you will improve your capacity to be in the right meeting, with the right setting, for the right reason… or decide not to be there consciously!

These facts and figures are pretty staggering, and illustrate just how important this topic is:

  • Employees in upper management spend 50% of their time in meetings.
  • Research suggests that employees spend 4 hours per week preparing for status update meetings.
  • A recent survey found that 67% of employees complain that spending too much time in meetings hinders them from being productive at work.
  • More than 35% of employees found that they waste 2-5 hours per day on meetings and calls, but achieve nothing to show for it.

First, make sure you design the agenda strategically to justify the investment of time you and other people will be making: choose the right topics, information, and people needed, and align time per topics and dynamics to achieve what you want.

3 Types of Meetings

It is important to note that there are really only 3 types of necessary meetings — to inform (to seek understanding), to discuss/debate (to gather input), and to decide (to choose between two or more options), but usually, the one calling the meeting does not clarify this upfront.

When this happens… can you make sure you ask for this to be clarified before starting? After understanding the intention of the meeting, it is key to understand if your participation is truly necessary or important. Many people end up in meetings without knowing why they are there, and without their presence really being needed. Do I need this information? Is my input needed? Do I need to be part of this decision?

Next, check in and align intentions to ensure that people are present and connected to each other, and to clarify what the goal of the meeting is. Clarify the expected outcome for each topic on the agenda, and explain to people how they could effectively participate. Now it’s time to deep dive into the content.

Make sure you agree on commitments and the next steps before leaving each section of the agenda. Close out the meeting with a “check out” and capture key actions and learnings for the next one.

From the outset, it is important to confirm that the meeting is truly necessary. If the purpose is to inform, clarify if it could have just been an email. If discussion, don’t spend 90% of the meeting just talking about things without any structure or intention. If the meeting is for decision-making, make sure everyone knows how the decision will be made before you engage in the discussion.

5 Key Habits for Effective Meetings

Lastly, there are 5 key behavioral habits for effective meetings:

  • Be a player, speak in 1st person: when sharing your perspective and opinions, own them to make them more relevant and clearer.
  • Be a learner, ask clarifying questions (before sharing opinions): before you make someone “wrong”, seek to understand through thoughtful questions.
  • Reflect back: make sure whoever has just spoken feels understood before sharing your own perspective.
  • Make clear requests: if you have a need, express the request to the right person in a clear and straightforward manner.
  • Give acceptable responses to requests: A response could be acceptance, asking for clarification before accepting, or saying no while explaining why you cannot commit to it — and discussing other possibilities if needed.

Try these out, and watch how much more effective your meetings become. In the next piece of this series, we will discuss decision-making.